Monday, January 2, 2012
Readjusting the Bar
This journey that we took part in this year has shown me that I can do anything that I put my mind to - whether its to finally finish my dark paranormal romance novel, send it to a publisher or agent with fingers crossed it won’t be rejected. I’ve learned that I am much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for - we all are so much stronger than we think and just when you think that you have no more strength, there it appears to get you over to the other side.
2011 had not been my finest year for writing as the past years were overflowing with words, pages and characters. I had a complicated pregnancy that left me feeling drained and unable to concentrate much on my characters or on the writing itself and despite beating myself up for the “failure in writing” as this was “supposed” to be the year that I submitted, I managed to finish NaNo but the writing wasn’t great (I still haven’t had an opportunity to go back and see just how bad it is).
Early morning on December 22nd, my water broke and my husband and I traveled to the hospital with the hopes of holding our baby in a few short hours, but he wasn’t ready to make his grand entrance just yet. As each painful contraction occurred, I found myself searching for the strength to continue and each time, my plea was granted. I’ve watched those birthing shows for the past six months and always wondered if I would be able to muster up the strength as those laboring women. I received my answer.
Finally on December 23rd, after 16 hours of labour that turned into a cesarean section, our son, Jackson James came into the world at 1:35 a.m. The sound of his first cry and seeing him for the first time, I’ve never felt prouder or more emotional than I did at that moment. I had labored, I had endured and now I have this beautiful baby boy to care for.
Being a mom for a little more than a week has been full of ups and downs, and already it has taught me so many things, including how to watch out for friendly fire when changing a little boy’s diaper. I’ve also learned the greatest life lesson - you can’t be part-time with the things you love, with the people you love and things that you want in life. And I’m looking at my life through a completely different set of eyes. I can’t be a part-time mom and I don’t want to be a part-time writer anymore.
It’s time to readjust the bar because it can be done. The untapped strength that you need is right there, waiting for you to need.
May 2012 be the best year yet!
P.S. I had never expected to be one of “those mommys” that gushed and pulled out photographs of their babies...but isn’t he cute? :)